I struggle with transitions. I walk around the house a couple of times after breakfast before I sit down at my desk. I postpone transitioning from reading an article to writing a paper about what I just read. Those are the small life transitions, but I resist the movement all the same.
The larger, life-type transitions require more time to complete, giving us more opportunity for fretting, angst and imaginings. Sometimes the change is a happy and exciting one, like starting a new job or moving into a new home. These shifts tend to have deadlines—although I did have an employee who postponed her start date three times! The deadlines tend to facilitate moving through the procrastination. We may still worry, and imagine both best case and worst- case scenarios, but at least we travel along to resolution.
The Journey
More importantly, for both the transitions that we anticipate with glee, and those that we dread, we need to journey through a process to adequately leave behind the place we have inhabited, either actually or metaphorically, and immerse ourselves in the new place, role, or experience.
First of all, we need to say good-bye to the old. As delighted as we might be to be leaving a worn -out apartment, a controlling boss or long over- due bad relationship, we still need to let go of the old in order to embrace the new.
Leaving Behind “What Was”
Reflect on the good things… yes, …you can find a few.
And when you are leaving lots of positive people and memories, take your time to really let the good times in.
List your learnings. I am sure there are many.
Affirm your strength in making the transition. Transitions are tough.
Decide which relationships you want to let go of, and which you would like to keep.
Bury the relationships that are toxic.
Find some humor in the days of the past. Laughing is a wonderful stress reducer.
Feel: you might feel sad, relief, angry, confused—or all of the above.
Record: you could take pictures, write in a journal or blog about your progression.
Neutral Gear
As you wrap up the past, give yourself some time, time for you to pause, and, catch your breath. It isn’t easy to transfer from one environment, place, or relationship to the next—or to go to nothing, for that matter. The empty void can be even more frightening.
Your pause may be fairly short—a few days before you start a new job or a few hours as the moving truck drives along the road to catch up with you. On the other hand, a very long- term relationship demands a longer pause. You can’t rush moving through 20 years in twenty minutes—or even 20 days.
Your goal in this pause is to get to know yourself, steady your core, figure out what it is that you want and need. It’s your time to gain strength, and metaphorically, turn on our head lights.
Moving On
Then you will be ready for the transition.
Embrace the new.
Give yourself permission to be a bit scared, uncertain or confused.
Be ready to have different perspectives, ideas, on thoughts on a regular basis as you get to know the new. First impressions are just that… first.
Enjoy the process of getting to know your neighbors, co-workers or potential partners. Remember, they want to get to know you, too.
Question. Things are not always what they seem. Asking questions is a good thing, not a sign of ignorance or confusion. Understanding your new surroundings and people in your life will only create a smoother transition and a more solid foundation.
Talk. Share your direction, impressions and feelings with those closest to you. While so much may be new to you, connecting with people from your past, those that have known you over the years, can be reassuring as well as clarifying.
Find humor. You will goof up: the drain will back up in your new kitchen, the printer will jam as you try to get your first report out, or you will forget an important date. No one is perfect. With perspective, all of these events, once you get through them, really can be quite funny.
Last but not least, give yourself credit, over and over and over again, for making this transition. As “they” say, there is no growth without some pain and no pain without some growth.
You are on Your Way!
Every day won’t be easy.
Every day you will learn something.
Every day you can be proud of yourself.
