Life can be stressful.
We all know the saying: Man plans and God Laughs. The reason that we all smile when we hear that quote is that we know how true it is.
Our dashed plans can be small or big, significant or superficial, but any or all of the glitches can cause us to yell, scream, cry….or fold in dismay.
I can recount three times in recent weeks when my plans went up in smoke right before my eyes. An old friend who was supposed to come over for dinner had to reschedule due to her mother’s unexpected visit to the hospital; money that I had counted on landing in my checking account seemed to have walked off into someone else’s account, causing my fantasized shopping spree had to be cancelled; and last but not least, my son’s visit was delayed because of work commitments.
I was disappointed by all of these alterations. I had counted on connecting, playing and visiting, not that any of these activities couldn’t be rescheduled for a later date. But first, I had to work through the stubborn, spoiled part of myself that wanted what I wanted when I wanted it—damn it!
How is it that I think that I am the only one in charge of writing the story? Whenever my story interacts with someone else’s, I need to remember that not only are they writing their own story, which interacts with mine, but there are even additional figures in the picture that contribute to each story’s evolution. It’s not just me who is dancing to wild music at the time of the writing. Many others are dancing at their own pace and to their own tune.
It seems like such a simple lesson to learn: I can’t make others stick to MY plan, My timeline, My desired outcome. It’s no different than when theatrical collaborators come together to create a fantastic musical. One writes the music, one the lyrics; one designs the sets and another the costumes; still others review and edit, revise and add their stamp of uniqueness to the script. The outcome is might be distinctively different from the original play-write’s imagining, and yet, hopefully better, but if not… it is a beautiful assemblage of the best of the many.
I really couldn’t write the script without the talents of the other contributors. I wouldn’t want a perpetual one- woman show. It would be, oh so lonely. If I want to invite others in, I need to leave space for them. What a novel idea!! And with that.. the script changes, the play evolves.
How do I remind myself that the contributions of others, to my liking or not, in my best interest or not, according to my plan or not, are real and necessary. The hope is that, like in the theater, the outcome is “better”, but unlike the stage play, I may not know the eventual outcome at the end of the two- hour, three- act play. I may not know that the outcome was really much better than I ever expected until days, weeks, months and sometimes years later. Not knowing is challenging. But that openness to possibility is what a positive sense of well-being is all about.
So how do I get “there”? How can I find that openness to the unknown outcome that may include “God’s laughing”? First of all, I can remind myself, at every junction, at every pause, that I am not in control of others nor the life plan of those around me. And that means reminding myself frequently, sometimes loudly, and not matter what, consistently.
I can look with awe and marvel at the unexpected consequences that I, and those with whom I am close, have experienced. The surprises that delight. Not so long ago, the idea of writing blogs was the farthest thing from my mind. However, over the last several years, as I jumped over hurdles that had been placed in my way by various actors in my life, I discovered that writing blogs is not just enjoyable and meaningful to me, they seem to be quite helpful to others. Who knew five years ago what a joy writing would become for me?!
Most importantly, I can trust: trust myself, others and my Higher Power that I can cope, create, tolerate and generate; I can catch, throw or hit any curve ball thrown to me. It may not be easy, but I can trust that it—no –“I”—will be ok. That’s not always an easy pill to swallow as I feel vulnerable to the vicissitudes of life. But in the end, it’s all my choice.
Which is the last piece of the puzzle. Throughout, I have choices! That’s it: choices to do, and choices of attitude. Choices to reframe and choices to re-do.
I have the choice to cry, or I can choose to laugh. God laughs. Why can’t I?
